Anya is new to the solo lifestyle. She has been living in her apartment now for four months. She is an hourly worker (an involuntary part-time worker) that struggles to make ends meet. She was working two jobs – one job she liked the industry and the other job she disliked. She was delighted when the job that showed potential offered her more hours. She could work one job and let the other one go. That’s when events took a turn for the worse.
Without warning, the company let her go. Anya was angry; this company knew she worked two jobs. She didn’t understand why they would offer her more hours, allow her to quit her second job, and then fire her. She called her friend Maria for support.
Anya: Why? This isn’t fair! I didn’t do anything wrong! They knew I had two jobs. Why would they wait until I quit my second job and then fire me for no reason? I know that the only thing that matters is finding another job. I’m trying hard not to freak out, but…
Maria: I’m so proud of how much you’ve grown. Yes, not too long ago, you wouldn’t be holding it together like you are now.
Anya: I am unemployed. After I pay my rent, I have no income or savings. I’m not going to make it.
Maria: It’s funny because I was thinking about you the other day. When I was your age, I used to be exactly the same. Sometimes, in the middle of succeeding, I would convince myself that I was failing miserably.
Anya: I am failing! I can’t fix this in 30 days! I have nothing!
Maria: That’s what you said about finding an apartment, but you found one in 30 days. Remember when we talked about that book, The Power of Now? You are terrifying yourself with nasty images of things that might happen but are not happening now. So let me tell you what is happening right now:
- You took the brave step to live on your own.
- You have paid your rent for 4 months.
- You’ve successfully lived on your own for 120 days.
- Your fridge is full.
- Your utilities and insurance are paid.
- You have your own transportation.
- Your gas tank is full.
- You’re in a new relationship with a man who loves and supports you.
- You have the support of family and friends.
- Even in this economy, it’s never taken you more than 30 days to get a job.
Don’t you see? You are succeeding. Think about it. Mathematically, all you achieved shouldn’t have been possible on the low wages you’ve received, but it has. Every bill has been paid, and every financial challenge has been met.
Anya, financially, you are a miracle in motion. You don’t know what will happen in 30 days, but RIGHT NOW, you have everything you need. Focus on that.
Anya: Wow, you’re good at this.
Maria: You don’t have to get up early tomorrow to go to the job that causes you stress. Put on your favorite jammies, prepare a great meal, and put on your favorite show. Play the game today, so you can create your own game tomorrow. Relax, open your laptop, and start applying for jobs.
Anya had laughter in her voice when she said, “Yeah, I think I will.” She is struggling with keeping her focus. The more she practices and brings her mind into the space of Now, the easier it becomes.
This is a baby step to The Power of Now. If someone is in a state of fear and they don’t know how to meditate, telling them to shut off their mind won’t work. For Anya, learning to focus on Now gave her peace. She can look for a job without spiraling into anger, depression, or fear.
THIS ISN’T GOING TO WORK FOR ME –
I’M GOING TO FAIL AND LOSE EVERYTHING!
OK, let’s deal with that. Maria has “failed.” Why do you think she can teach Anya? It’s because she’s been there firsthand. At 50, Maria lost her job and got evicted from her home.
She was angry, humiliated, and terrified. Why? Maria had an image of herself as a superwoman. She was too proud to ask for help, she was afraid of what other people would think, and she made many mistakes that led to her eviction. She stayed in complete resistance to her reality.
Maria spiraled. At that point, she did what many people do. She jumped into “positive thinking” like it was a magic wand that would wave away all her troubles. One night, she woke and knew this battle was lost. She could prepare to move or resist to the end and have the police come and set her things out on the lawn. She went with the former; it was a good choice.
When she stopped resisting, everything she needed was provided to move from her home. It was awful. She blamed God for not showing up and saving her. Over the coming weeks, she had to admit this had nothing to do with God. She made choices that were 100% ego-driven. She lost that battle and went on to find a new job and a new place to stay in less than 90-days.
With an eviction on her record, she was able to find a place to stay. In six months, she paid what she owed on the eviction to clear her debt. It took three years before she was able to move back to the neighborhood she loved.
Chance and circumstance happen to us all. No one leads a charmed life immune to challenges.
- Michael Jordan’s father was murdered
- Martha Stewart went to prison for five months
- Johnny Depp had financial and marital troubles
- Halle Berry married an alleged sex addict who was repeatedly unfaithful
- Jim Carrey and Halle Berry were both homeless before becoming celebrities
- Oprah was sued in a public format that lasted for six weeks
We admire people like this not because they lead charmed lives; it’s because when adversity shows up, they take the hit and bounce back. That’s what makes them (and you) a superwoman/superman.
There is a possibility that you will not get your finances together in time to save your home. OK, what do you do now? Are you ruined? Is your life over? No, that’s what your ego is telling you. The truth is you had a setback. If you stay fixated on situations that are out of your control, you disempower yourself. Empower yourself by asking, “What CAN I do right now?” Then, get to work.
Paraphrasing Eckhart Tolle, life isn’t here to make things easy. It’s here to challenge you so you wake up.
Stay tuned to find out what happens next with our young friend, Anya.
Do you have a question or concern? Do you have a technique that helps you through stressful times that you want to share? Please post it below.