Many people who live alone are missing out on the joys of solo life because they are afraid to do activities alone. In three interviews, we give you 50 years of experience from solo adventurers who live life on their terms. We interviewed a private investigator who is a solo traveler with some great tips on staying safe. We also interviewed a veteran solo diner and solo adventurer who experienced a unique activity for the first time.
Meet Brenda – a solo dining veteran
Brenda is a Savvy Solo in her late 50s who has enjoyed solo dining for 3 decades. She will give you a new perspective on dining alone.
Q: Why do you dine alone?
Brenda: Simple, I love to eat! There are so many cuisines to experience. I get to do what I want without worrying if the person I’m with is having a good time. Have you ever dined with someone who misses the point of the dining experience? It will suck the joy out of the experience.
Dining is an experience. Most people don’t get that. If you want to have three appetizers – do it. If you don’t like your entrée, send it back or buy another. Do you want to try two desserts to see which one you like best? Have at it!
Have you ever dined with someone who makes more or less money than you? You worry if your dinner companion can afford it. If you eat with someone that makes more money, they may suggest a restaurant you can’t afford. Now, the focus is on paying the bill. You miss the beautiful experience of what dining should be. I don’t have to meet another’s expectations when I dine alone.
Q: Aren’t you lonely when you dine alone?
Brenda: I am never alone – unless I want to be. I’ve been dining alone since my early 20s; wherever I go, someone interesting always crosses my path.
I once hopped on a train for my birthday and went to Chicago to dine at the Cheesecake Factory (there wasn’t one in Michigan then). I took a cab and had a great conversation with the driver. I went to the Navy Pier, where I met someone. We talked and exchanged numbers.
When I arrived at the Cheesecake Factory, I sat at the bar, had a drink, and ordered my meal. A woman came and sat next to me. We had a lovely conversation, ate a meal, and went our separate ways. The train attendant flirted with me on the train ride home and offered me a free drink. It was perfect. It was adventurous.
Q: Did you feel unsafe when you’re alone?
Brenda: As my story illustrates, the Universe always puts someone in my path that helps me or has something to teach me. Staying in a crowded, well-lit environment is one of the first safety rules I learned as a girl. What place is more crowded or well-lit than a restaurant? As a woman, I never doubt my instincts. If my gut tells me, “no, don’t do it,” I’m out. No questions asked.
Q: Does it make you feel ashamed to eat alone?
Brenda: Quite the opposite; it made me feel empowered. I am “the fool that rushes in where angels fear to tread.” Some take the word fool as a negative connotation. The fool is actually the person at the beginning of the journey which has no inhibitions or preconceived notions and is unconcerned with what others think. I am unique and refuse to be bound by the stereotypes of others. I like that.
Q: What do you do with yourself when you dine in public?
Brenda: I see what others are eating and ask if it whets my appetite. I watch waiters interact with others. I listen to live music if it’s available. I savor every moment my five physical senses can muster during the exquisite meal. If you bury your head in a book or cell phone, that’s not experiencing; that’s hiding.
Dining alone makes most people uncomfortable because it makes them feel vulnerable and exposed. They wonder how others judge them. Newsflash: other diners are not thinking about you.
I don’t say this as a slight, but people are self-absorbed – they are not wasting time thinking about you. If you see two or more at a table, they are thinking about their date, business deal, or how they come across to others, the last thing on their minds is you.
Q: What would you say to those who want to dine alone but are afraid to try it?
Brenda: Do you go grocery shopping or to the post office alone? You are in public by yourself every day. It’s just that when you go to dinner or to the movies, it’s something society says you’re not “supposed” to do alone. That’s bull! Do not let stereotypes hold you back. What happens if you base your actions on what other people think? In that case, a lifetime of joy, opportunities, and experiences will pass you by.
Meet Cristina – a first-time solo concert enthusiast
Cristina is in her mid-thirties. For the first time, she decided to go to a concert by herself.
Q: Why did you go to a concert alone?
Cristina: I really wanted to see this artist. My desire to see this artist was stronger than my fear of going to the concert alone.
Q: As a female, were you afraid to go alone?
Cristina: Yes and no. I wasn’t afraid because the concert hall was crowded, and security guards and police officers were everywhere. There is always a possibility that something terrible could happen, but you can’t let that stop you from living. Besides, the crowd is so thick in a concert hall no one can tell if you’re alone or with the people sitting next to you. So, I felt pretty safe.
Q: What other precautions did you use to stay safe?
Cristina: I don’t draw attention to myself. I don’t wear expensive items. I don’t carry a purse; I just wear a fanny pack, with a bit of cash, and my ID. I take my cell phone and make sure it’s fully charged. I used Uber, so someone was waiting to take me home. I didn’t have to walk through a parking lot by myself. I stayed in contact with friends. They knew where I was going and what time I would arrive home.
Q: What about Covid?
Cristina: I said a little prayer. LOL. It was an indoor concert, and I could count the number of people I saw wearing a mask on two hands. Once I got to my seat, I put my mask on. If you’re going to get Covid, all the precautions won’t stop it. I’ve had my shots; I did everything I could to prevent it so, I will continue to live my life.
Q: Did you feel lonely?
Cristina: I did feel lonely at first and during intermission. When the artist came on stage, and I started vibing to the music, I didn’t care. I enjoyed myself, and I’m
glad I decided to go.
Q: Were you ashamed to be by yourself at a concert?
Cristina: When I was younger, it probably would have bothered me. I realized that it takes security and strength to follow your heart. For me, it’s a sign of spiritual maturity to be comfortable with myself. I’m enjoying my growth.
Q: What would you say to a friend reluctant to go to a concert solo?
Cristina: Don’t be afraid of what others think. It’s important to exercise your independence. When you do something you’re afraid of, you’ll look back with a smile and say, “Yeah, I did that.” There is no greater boost to your confidence. If you let fear get in the way, you will have a lifetime of regrets.
Meet Daamini – A solo, frequent flyer for business and pleasure
Daamini is a private investigator in her mid-forties. Her job requires a great deal of travel. Here are some tips from a seasoned private investigator.
Q: What do you like about traveling solo?
Daamini: I’ve been traveling alone for 20 years. I don’t have to hold long conversations. I can put on headphones and listen to an excellent audible book. It truly gives me peace of mind. It helps me to clear my mind.
Q: Do you feel lonely traveling alone?
Daamini: No. I’m able to meditate. As I travel the world, I understand the world from another culture’s point of view. I like driving across the country. Then I’m on my own; I don’t owe anyone a conversation. My soul is at peace in the silence. I see the beauty in nature, and it makes me feel connected to God. That’s important to me.
Q: Do you feel ashamed to travel alone?
Daamini: When I first started traveling, I always wanted someone to accompany me. I would ask others to go with me, and I would get turned down. I didn’t like traveling alone, and I thought it was embarrassing. I felt alone; no one wants to travel with me. I realized the people I wanted to travel with were financially in a different place.
I stopped telling myself the story that no one wanted to be with me. I put a positive spin on it. Instead of saying I have to travel alone, I would say I have the finances and freedom to see the world.
Q: What about Covid?
Daamini: I have both shots but did not take the booster. I’ve contracted Covid twice. Neither incident coincided with travel. When I travel, I take every preventative measure to protect myself and others. I know, personally, that taking precautions doesn’t prevent disease.
Daamini has a special insight into security because she’s a private investigator. I asked what advice she would give to females that want to travel alone.
Q: As a female, how do you stay safe traveling alone?
Daamini: Remember, knowledge is power. Make research a priority in your travel plans. Look into the city or the state. These are some things I look for:
- What are the crime statistics for the city?
- Are there gangs in the area?
- Are there high occurrences of violence against women?
- Will I have to take subways or trains as means of transportation?
Q: Do you have any other tips for females traveling alone?
Daamini:
- Don’t make it obvious that you’re alone, especially when traveling abroad.
- Research crime statistics for the place you want to visit.
- If you don’t have a phone with FaceTime, rent one if you travel abroad.
- When eating alone, never leave your table unattended.
- If you are a drinker, do not drink to the point where your judgment is impaired.
- Always be aware of your surroundings.
- Stay in well-lit areas with security cameras and make sure your face is recognized by the security camera.
- If you come up missing, this will give authorities clues to where you were last seen.
- Weapons are not allowed when traveling by air. Still, you can purchase a mini air horn and keep it on you at all times . Keep your money and ID in anti-theft, underarm holster bag and wear it underneath your clothing.
If you are traveling alone, my best advice is to travel on a guided tour. You can be independent and have someone watching your back simultaneously. When traveling alone, do not wander off from your group.
Human trafficking is very real. You would be surprised at the number of women involved in con schemes. It’s easy for a woman to gain your trust, drug your meal, and wait for her male counterpart to pick you up once the drug has taken effect. Be vigilant so you do not become a victim.
Q: Wow, Daamini, we are trying to convince women to step out and take risks. If I read this interview, I would go home, lock my doors, and never come out! Brenda had a great experience doing the exact opposite of what you’re suggesting. How can both accounts be correct?
Daamini: I would be negligent if I didn’t inform your readers of the dangers. Ok, let’s look at Brenda’s experience step-by-step:
- Brenda took a six-hour train ride from Michigan to Illinois
-
- There were train attendants on the train
- She took a cab from the train station to the Navy Pier
- There are security and police officers that constantly patrol the Navy Pier
- There were multiple staff members (bartenders, wait staff, bus people) when she sat at the bar at the Cheesecake Factory
Brenda stated, “I am never alone – unless I want to be.” That sounds like decades of solo experience that kicks in automatically, and she may not be aware of it. She probably had some knowledge of Chicago since it was so close to where she lived. Lastly, she spoke of taking a cab instead of Uber. So, this could be about a story in the past. We live in a very different world today.
Knowledge is power. There’s a difference between taking educated risks and the uninformed reckless act that we call blind faith.
Q: What would you say to someone hesitant to travel solo?
Daamini: The world is a beautiful place, but it’s also a place where terrible things can happen to anyone. As the old cliché goes, you can get hit by a bus just stepping outside your door in the morning. That should not stop you. There are always risks. Do your best to make informed choices and enjoy your life.
There you have it, no holds barred – the joys and dangers of solo adventures. C’mon, Savvy Solos, go eat at that restaurant or go on the trip you always wanted to take. Don’t let fear keep you from a lifetime of beautiful experiences.
Do you have any experience or concerns about solo living? Do you have a different point of view? We would love to hear it. Please leave your comments below.