by IAmSavvy | Sep 11, 2022 | Empowered Ethos, Solo Living
Anya is new to the solo lifestyle. She has been living in her apartment now for four months. She is an hourly worker (an involuntary part-time worker) that struggles to make ends meet. She was working two jobs – one job she liked the industry and the other job she disliked. She was delighted when the job that showed potential offered her more hours. She could work one job and let the other one go. That’s when events took a turn for the worse.
Without warning, the company let her go. Anya was angry; this company knew she worked two jobs. She didn’t understand why they would offer her more hours, allow her to quit her second job, and then fire her. She called her friend Maria for support.
Anya: Why? This isn’t fair! I didn’t do anything wrong! They knew I had two jobs. Why would they wait until I quit my second job and then fire me for no reason? I know that the only thing that matters is finding another job. I’m trying hard not to freak out, but…
Maria: I’m so proud of how much you’ve grown. Yes, not too long ago, you wouldn’t be holding it together like you are now.
Anya: I am unemployed. After I pay my rent, I have no income or savings. I’m not going to make it.
Maria: It’s funny because I was thinking about you the other day. When I was your age, I used to be exactly the same. Sometimes, in the middle of succeeding, I would convince myself that I was failing miserably.
Anya: I am failing! I can’t fix this in 30 days! I have nothing!
Maria: That’s what you said about finding an apartment, but you found one in 30 days. Remember when we talked about that book, The Power of Now? You are terrifying yourself with nasty images of things that might happen but are not happening now. So let me tell you what is happening right now:
- You took the brave step to live on your own.
- You have paid your rent for 4 months.
- You’ve successfully lived on your own for 120 days.
- Your fridge is full.
- Your utilities and insurance are paid.
- You have your own transportation.
- Your gas tank is full.
- You’re in a new relationship with a man who loves and supports you.
- You have the support of family and friends.
- Even in this economy, it’s never taken you more than 30 days to get a job.
Don’t you see? You are succeeding. Think about it. Mathematically, all you achieved shouldn’t have been possible on the low wages you’ve received, but it has. Every bill has been paid, and every financial challenge has been met.
Anya, financially, you are a miracle in motion. You don’t know what will happen in 30 days, but RIGHT NOW, you have everything you need. Focus on that.
Anya: Wow, you’re good at this.
Maria: You don’t have to get up early tomorrow to go to the job that causes you stress. Put on your favorite jammies, prepare a great meal, and put on your favorite show. Play the game today, so you can create your own game tomorrow. Relax, open your laptop, and start applying for jobs.
Anya had laughter in her voice when she said, “Yeah, I think I will.” She is struggling with keeping her focus. The more she practices and brings her mind into the space of Now, the easier it becomes.
This is a baby step to The Power of Now. If someone is in a state of fear and they don’t know how to meditate, telling them to shut off their mind won’t work. For Anya, learning to focus on Now gave her peace. She can look for a job without spiraling into anger, depression, or fear.
THIS ISN’T GOING TO WORK FOR ME –
I’M GOING TO FAIL AND LOSE EVERYTHING!
OK, let’s deal with that. Maria has “failed.” Why do you think she can teach Anya? It’s because she’s been there firsthand. At 50, Maria lost her job and got evicted from her home.
She was angry, humiliated, and terrified. Why? Maria had an image of herself as a superwoman. She was too proud to ask for help, she was afraid of what other people would think, and she made many mistakes that led to her eviction. She stayed in complete resistance to her reality.
Maria spiraled. At that point, she did what many people do. She jumped into “positive thinking” like it was a magic wand that would wave away all her troubles. One night, she woke and knew this battle was lost. She could prepare to move or resist to the end and have the police come and set her things out on the lawn. She went with the former; it was a good choice.
When she stopped resisting, everything she needed was provided to move from her home. It was awful. She blamed God for not showing up and saving her. Over the coming weeks, she had to admit this had nothing to do with God. She made choices that were 100% ego-driven. She lost that battle and went on to find a new job and a new place to stay in less than 90-days.
With an eviction on her record, she was able to find a place to stay. In six months, she paid what she owed on the eviction to clear her debt. It took three years before she was able to move back to the neighborhood she loved.
Chance and circumstance happen to us all. No one leads a charmed life immune to challenges.
- Michael Jordan’s father was murdered
- Martha Stewart went to prison for five months
- Johnny Depp had financial and marital troubles
- Halle Berry married an alleged sex addict who was repeatedly unfaithful
- Jim Carrey and Halle Berry were both homeless before becoming celebrities
- Oprah was sued in a public format that lasted for six weeks
We admire people like this not because they lead charmed lives; it’s because when adversity shows up, they take the hit and bounce back. That’s what makes them (and you) a superwoman/superman.
There is a possibility that you will not get your finances together in time to save your home. OK, what do you do now? Are you ruined? Is your life over? No, that’s what your ego is telling you. The truth is you had a setback. If you stay fixated on situations that are out of your control, you disempower yourself. Empower yourself by asking, “What CAN I do right now?” Then, get to work.
Paraphrasing Eckhart Tolle, life isn’t here to make things easy. It’s here to challenge you so you wake up.
Stay tuned to find out what happens next with our young friend, Anya.
Do you have a question or concern? Do you have a technique that helps you through stressful times that you want to share? Please post it below.
by IAmSavvy | Jun 19, 2022 | Solo Living
Have you ever lived alone? Perhaps you live with your parents or have always had a roommate. You think about it more often – what would life be like if I lived alone? I’m glad you asked. Here are the answers to FAQs about solo living.
1. Money
Q: I’ve read articles and heard people say they really struggle with money when they live on their own. Does solo living come with financial stress?
A: Anyone who mismanages money will have financial stress. That’s not a solo thing; that’s a human thing.
Solo dwellers may be more financially aware. Being independent means being solely responsible for your rainy day when it comes. Having roommates is not a guarantee of financial security.
Remember our friend Anya, who lived with a married couple with children before diving into solo living? The lease was ending, and they started looking for separate housing simultaneously. Anya, a Savvy Solo, found an apartment in 30 days. The young couple is still searching.
Understand that chance and circumstance happen to us all, whether you’re solo or not.
2. Loneliness
Q: My family and friends think I will be lonely if I live alone. Is it lonely living on your own?
A: That is your family and friends’ truth. Is it yours? Only you can decide if living solo is right for you.
Next, whoa! We embrace the solo lifestyle – we didn’t say we’re hermits…
- We go to work and are among our colleagues
- When we’re lonely – we hang out with others/invite others to our place
- When we need encouragement – we text/call someone
- When we are frisky – we, well, you know
“For those who think solo living is lonely, try being stuck in a space with the wrong person/people.”
An apartment lease typically lasts for a year. It’s the perfect time to get to know the solo lifestyle. Give yourself six-nine months; if you love it, congratulations on being part of The Savvy Solo tribe. If not, start looking for a roommate (before your lease is up). The choice is yours.
3. The top benefit of solo living
Q: What is the best reason to live alone?
A: A solo dweller is the king or queen of their own domain – they are at war with no one.
Savvy Solos don’t struggle for power. We don’t fight over subjects as important as money and children; or as pointless as whose turn it is to hold the TV remote.
- We are at peace with ourselves.
- We do not compromise.
- We do not sacrifice or surrender.
- We are The Savvy Solos – we don’t have to.
If you feel stressed, bored, or uncomfortable around your present company, you can leave and go to your own home anytime you’re ready. It’s a luxury you don’t have when living with others.
4. The Fear: Old*, Frail, Alone with No One to Take Care of Me
Q: I’m afraid I’ll be one of those lonely old people living with 17 cats*. Who will take care of me when I’m old?
A: Let me introduce you to Oprah Winfrey, age 68. Have you heard of her? She is one of our time’s most influential women (a solo dweller). She doesn’t look frail to me. I’m not sure, but I don’t think she has any cats.
“I have not had one regret about that,” Oprah told People in 2019 about not getting married or having kids. “I also believe that part of the reason why I don’t have regrets is because I got to fulfill it in the way that was best for me…”
Oprah Winfrey
Oprah knew her bliss would not be found as a spouse and/or parent. She knew that having children and getting married wasn’t right for her. She has purpose and passion. Don’t let societal pressures dictate your fate.
Follow your instincts. You know who you are supposed to be. Following someone else’s path will only lead to your misery.
Here’s a question for you. Is that you talkin’, or is that your well-meaning family and friends renting space in your head? Are you listening to people that have never embraced and completely misunderstand the solo experience? Hmm, food for thought.
To answer the question, “Who will take care of me when I’m old?” The same person that is taking care of you now. YOU! There is a community called Solo Agers. We are 50+, live alone, and have no children. Most of us have 4+ decades of solo living under our belt. We love our lives and have no intention of giving them up.
As we age, we are aware of the challenges and prepared to meet them. That is what The Savvy Solo is about, a community that helps each other, no matter where you stand on your solo journey.
5. Societal Pressure
Q: Have you noticed these questions are written from the perspective of what other people think?
A: Yes. It is because most people with doubts listen to family, friends, and even journalists telling people horror stories about living alone.
Once again, that’s their truth. Is it your truth?
Take the information (even from “reliable” sources) with a grain of salt. When someone tells you about solo living, ask them, “Oh, is that what you experienced when you lived alone?” You’ll find that most people giving advice (even those writing about the subject) have never lived alone.
Remember, there’s an entirely different mindset between choosing this lifestyle and being suddenly thrust into it by a breakup, divorce, or death in the family.
Solo living is like anything else – it involves people. That means it has ups and downs, advantages and disadvantages. In our opinion, nothing will show you who you are and what you are made of, like living on your own.
It’s time to form your own opinion.
*Don’t take offense to the word, “old.” I’m old too, so just take it as one old head speaking to another. Wear it as the badge of pride and honor it should be.
*No disrespect if you have 17 cats. I don’t have any cats, but I hear they’re fantastic.
by IAmSavvy | Jun 12, 2022 | Empowered Ethos, Solo Living
True story: 30 days to solo living in an uncertain economy
Anya wants to experience solo living. She has never lived alone and is used to the security that roommates provide; she’s curious if it will bring her the peace she is searching for. Still, she is convinced that living with others is her only option.
Anya says, “How can I find an apartment in this economy? I only make $16 per hour, and I have bad credit. My finances are disastrous; there is no way I will pass a credit check. It’s safer to stay where I am until conditions change.” She believes that’s the best answer.
The best laid plans
Sometimes, life has plans completely different from those we’ve laid out. Ironically, the couple that Anya lived with decided to move from their rented home to a smaller apartment at the end of their lease. The couple had two small children, so there would be no room in the new apartment for Anya.
Anya reached out to Maria; someone who has traveled the road she is on, and got sound advice:
Anya: I can’t do it!
Maria: How do you know? You haven’t tried.
Anya: There is an apartment listed for $600 on Craigslist. I have to have that apartment; it’s the only one I can afford!
Maria: Don’t get tunnel vision; stay open and investigate all opportunities. Craigslist is notorious for false advertisements, and $600 sounds low. Second, if the apartment has no utilities included, you’ll end up paying $800+ anyway.
Anya: I have bad credit and a low-paying job. They will reject me.
Maria: That is a possibility. The only way to find out is to put yourself out there. If the apartment complex rejects you, move on to the next place on your list. If you don’t apply for an apartment because YOU think you’re unworthy, you defeat yourself.
Positive Thinking – Your best friend or worse enemy?
Anya started looking. I’m sure many of you think, “She turned that frown upside down, and the perfect apartment effortlessly came to her.” WRONG! For one month, Anya’s life SUCKED as she got rejected repeatedly. Even though she had a plan, in her mind, it failed.
This is where so many people fail. We listen to the gurus tell us how easy life will be if we learn “The Secret” of thinking positively. Positive thinking has its place; it calms the mind and helps us focus. It cannot take the place of action. Anya had a plan but still got rejected. She felt awful.
However, that is what a plan is for. It takes the emotion out of decision-making and keeps us on track. Our plan is the guide that instructs us to pick ourselves up and try again. In other words, the plan says feel the fear and do it anyway. It’s called working your plan.
If you want to conquer fear, don’t sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.
~ Dale Carnegie
The more Anya worked on her plan, the easier it became. As with most situations, facing them is less scary than the horrific scenarios that play in our heads. Procrastination is our mind’s way of protecting us. The only thing that protection ensures is that life will pass us by.
What is meant for you will never pass you by – what a crock
Anya: I found an apartment.
Maria: Great! Did you fill out an application and put down a deposit?
Anya: Well, I can’t yet. My credit score is too low. I need to get a credit card and bring up my credit score.
Maria: Hmm. Really? Is that what the leasing consultant told you?
Anya: No, but I believe it will increase my chances of getting the apartment.
This is when Maria dishes out a little tough love. “Anya,” Maria says, “You’ve been talking about living solo for years. Last winter, before inflation was outrageous, you found a $600 apartment in a neighborhood you wanted to live in. You had a decent-paying job but wouldn’t budge because ‘conditions were not perfect.’
Anya, you are waiting for the perfect moment. There is no such thing as the perfect moment. You must play the cards that life has dealt you. When you do, other doors will open. You’ll never see more possibilities unless you take the first step. Trust me, this is how it works.”
Anya: Maria, what will I do if they say no? I can’t take much more rejection.
Maria: Anya, you’re stronger than you think. Since there can be one of two answers, you will continue to work your plan. If the apartment complex says yes, you’ll put down your deposit and move in. If they say no, you’ll keep looking. Hope for the best, but keep looking until you get a definite yes.
In 35 days, Anya became a homeowner
Anya applied to the apartment the next day. Thirty-five days into her journey, Anya got the “yes” she had been waiting for. For the first time, Anya is a homeowner. Ok, it’s an apartment, not a house, but it’s the first place she can call home. Anya is living The Savvy Solo life.
Did Anya find the peace she was looking for by living solo? How the heck is Anya living alone in an $800 apartment, earning $16/hour part-time? Those are stories for another day.
This is a true story. The names have been changed to protect the privacy of the participants.
